昨日の私しにたかった
(a.k.a. Dislike my alma mater fiercely)
It began when I went to where old people call Waterloo and crossed pass a footbridge.
On the La Salle road where the bourgeoises live and vermillion cotton trees grow along two sides in the streets. I could look at St. Theresa Church from that footbridge rushing below were countless vehicles. Unexplained, there was a urge of idea devouring my mind which was to jump off the bridge.
I would never become what I what to be and it is meaningless for my suffering anyways. There was a time when I spent my youthful days in the district and irrationally believed I will be living in the blocks on the same road. I would watch those vermillion cotton trees from my window and complain about how messy the cotton they made in the early springs. But now who knows the purpose of the unrequited everything I once strongly expected.
Not another than other once-in-a-life-time events I have had missed, that includes knowing today was the last day of my alma mater. Literally what I mean, that the college is going to be demolished. Years later, they will build another school in somewhere carrying the same name but it will not be meaningful to my course of adolescence. What took place there will fade away to oblivion as mediocre as me. Unlike media and the general mass thinks always, youthful days are in rose colors but in personal perspective the time I spent in junior high to high school are shadows I cannot escape. Yet I think there occurred once or several bittersweet moments I would cherish only if my elder self became less sensible due to aging.
Spending a quarter lifetime in that cerulean institution, I found some idle things stirred up nostalgia which are the chapel, those 3 pianos and the benches at the back. Haunting me was the scenario of the ringing recorders in corridors. As an notorious outsider, the being excluded experience shaped my lonely personality however to be fair there nearly none I would like to update those old peers.この学校はかつて私が自殺したい場所だったことを思い出します. Especially some teachers are deserved to be blame.
I look forward to the day when this school is discarded then I may arrived once again and lean down in the music room just like I used to. More importantly, I hope I will never ever feel nostalgic or emotionally related to this place ever again. Never rewind and keep forgetful. Like blank blank. More importantly, I hope I will never ever feel nostalgic or emotionally related to this place ever again. Never rewind and keep forgetful. Like blank blank. I, from the bottom of my heart, pray for that day coming.
